Dear Reverend Jack
I have an ugly free-standing basketball hoop in my yard leftover from
my
house's previous owners. The only use I have found for it thus far has
been
as a prop for Halloween decorations.
Last year I put a witch in the hoop, as if she had fallen from the sky
and
landed in the hoop.
This year, I plan on putting a disembodied head in the net, with a
headless
body underneath. Two points!
I have three questions for you:
1. Should I buy an actual head, or do you think a rubber mask over a
sphere-like object would suffice for the head?
2. Should I strap the body to the pole so it is standing upright, or
have
it lying prone on the ground?
3. Should I keep the ugly, rusting basketball pole, given its once a
year
usefulness, or remove it?
I thank you for your time and consideration.
posted by Rev. Jack at 7:24 AM
6 Comments:
Sysm! I had a serious question here, and I demand answers! Or is taxidermy the answer... perhaps it is.
Sorry, the good reverend was just in a meeting!
After careful thought and prayer over the subject, I have your answer, my child, fear not.
First: Use an actual head
Second: Prop the torso in a sitting postion with it's back resting against the pole. This draws attention to both the torso and the head to passers-by.
Third: Since it's my opinion that basket-ball is a practice that should have gone out of style in the 40's and Dr. Naismith, hanged from the highest tree (or one of his infernal Basket-ball poles) remove the unsightly pole, preferably with a large amount of dynamite.
xoxo Rev. Jack
I've found that there are very few problems, ranging from an old couch to a new cat, that can't be solved with an adequate amount of fire.
I will find a lovely severed head, hopefully with bushy black eyebrows, a tongue lolling out, and plenty of gore protruding from the neck.
Sitting! An excellent compromise.
Dynamite? A wonderful suggestion. And Dilf claimed there was no easy way to get rid of it...
I'm glad you all have carefully thought out the consequences of said dynamite.
Perhaps you can implode it like an old building?
xoxo Rev. Jack
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