Thursday, December 29, 2005

Utter Outrage!

Dear Reverend Jack,

My two year old announced she was going to play the banjo when she got old enough to do so.

My husband said, "I had higher hopes for you than that."

I know several exemplary human beings who play the banjo, including my father. He also plays the dulcimer.

How should I discipline my husband for uttering such heresy?


Blogger Rev. Jack said...

What the...!!!?

Of all the.....!!!

He said whaaa....!!!!?

As an outraged banjo player and a bearer of the sacred mark (my banjo tat on my right manly limb) I think that he should be flayed and then boiled in hot oil!!

...and then beaten without mercy with the neck of a Gibson Flint Hill Special!

You tell that precious child of yours to to run (not walk) to the Old Town School of Folk Music and sign up for 'wiggle-worms', their most excellent music program for kids., and tell her that her Unky Rev. Jack is very proud of her.

xoxo Rev. Jack

December 29, 2005 9:07 AM  
Blogger Dr. Sardonic said...

When flaying and boiling those you hate, don't neglect to toss in a bouquet garni when you're adding the salt. It makes all the difference.

December 29, 2005 9:18 AM  
Blogger Rev. Jack said...

I certainly don't hate him!

This is a just and necessary punishment for his heinous crimes. To quote Judge Smails : 'I didn't want to do it, I felt I owed it to him'.

xoxo Rev. Jack

December 29, 2005 9:44 AM  
Blogger UberDILF said...

Don't blame me for having higher aspirations for my daughter than a career in which the highlight is a cameo on the Dukes of Hazzard reunion show.

December 29, 2005 3:47 PM  
Blogger Rev. Jack said...


Dukes of whaaa...!!?


Poor sweet ignorant Dilfie...


Learning the banjo requires dexterity, discipline and practice, not to mention it opens a door revealing the rich tapestry of the american folk music experience.

Dr. Sardonic, get the oil...

xoxo Rev. Jack

December 30, 2005 7:48 AM  
Anonymous b.a. said...

What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

December 30, 2005 10:14 AM  
Anonymous b.a. said...

Before you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

December 30, 2005 10:14 AM  
Blogger Dr. Sardonic said...

Careful B.A., remember that the Reverend has a delicate ticker after all those years of pipe-smoking and pornography testing, and we wouldn't want to put him six feet under before he has a chance to finally master that second banjo song he's been working so hard to learn all these years.

December 31, 2005 6:41 AM  
Anonymous b.a. said...

You're refering, of course, to Eazy-E's bluegrass masterpiece Pimps Up Hodown?

December 31, 2005 12:35 PM  
Blogger Sonny Dryesdale said...

I have a compromise. Instead of learning the banjo. Why not have the child's front teeth removed and replacing them with little harmonicas. That way every breath will be rewarded with a symphony of sound. If later she decides that she must be a banjo player she need but remove the harmonicas to be halfway to her goal.

January 03, 2006 10:07 AM  
Blogger Sonny Dryesdale said...

Two bay leaves in that bouquet garni?

January 03, 2006 10:07 AM  

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