Wednesday, November 02, 2005

WTF Mr. Milkman!?

Dear Rev. Jack,

My milkman is cranky and petty.

He complains all the time. If I don't leave my empty bottles out, he gets bent out of shape and accuses me of becoming independently wealthy $.50 at a time by returning them fraudulently to the grocery store.

Then, he complains that I leave two many bottles out at once. I had to hear him whine about "35 bottles" today.

I hate him.

Should I tip him at Christmas? Should I deliberately annoy him with crazy milk bottle-related antics?

Or should I come to the door in a negligee and see if that mellows him out?

Milk Fed-Up


Blogger Rev. Jack said...

I would remind him that if the dangerous, high-stress career as a milkman is too much for him, his job can be easily replaced by a once a week trip to the Oberweis store (or Dominicks if you aren't picky).

Although, it's against my principles to completely nix the negligee plan.

oxox Rev. Jack

November 02, 2005 4:42 PM  
Blogger sysm said...

He must do double-duty as my newsapaper delivery guy. He might deliver the paper at 9:00 a.m, or not at all. If I call to either ask for a delivery of a missed paper or a credit on the account, he gets very angry. First he calls me, then shows up at the house and throws the paper at the front door, rings the door bell, and snarls at me.

But every year, from Thankgsgiving 'til a week before Christmas, the paper is delivered promptly, right up to the door (instead of at the street, like the rest of the year.) Of course, he puts a card in there with his name and address - fishing for a holiday tip.

My tip? Don't be such a nasty asshole the rest of the year.

November 02, 2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger Sonny Dryesdale said...

I am in full disagreement with both of these "fellows."
First and foremost, a negligee is the perfect reponse to any conflict!
And (B) whatever happened to taking pride in ones chosen persona. Why it sounds like this paperman is the perfect asshole. Who else among us can claim perfection in any aspect of our lives?
Kudos to the paperman and best of luck to the Milkman! There but for the curse of charm go I!

November 03, 2005 8:01 AM  
Anonymous b.a. said...

1: Oberweiss!?! You're advocating buying milk from that fucking NAZI? There'll be plently of time to enrich his coffers when he burns down the Springfield Reichstag and takes over.

2: Remember the mailman from Funny Farm? He was pretty funny.

November 03, 2005 10:23 AM  
Blogger Übermilf said...

But he's a Nazi who produces very yummy milk, without pesticides or hormones...shut up B.A. Do you want me to analyze all of YOUR purchases?

November 03, 2005 11:47 AM  
Anonymous b.a. said...

Umm...I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anything that I've bought from a privately-held company owned by a NAZI who has run for political office on a platform of NAZI-ism.

And even harder-pressed to find me recommending that anyone else buy said product.

Remember the tow truck driver in Neighbors? He was pretty funny too.

November 03, 2005 2:17 PM  
Blogger Rev. Jack said...

Do porn and Cheetos come from nazis?

xoxo Rev. Jack

November 03, 2005 2:43 PM  
Anonymous harpy queen said...

no, they come from Heaven. As do Little Debbie Swiss Rolls.

November 03, 2005 4:22 PM  
Blogger Sonny Dryesdale said...

Nazi heaven?

November 04, 2005 8:14 AM  
Blogger Übermilf said...

Isn't that Valhalla?

November 04, 2005 10:37 AM  
Blogger Fat Drunken Cupid said...

But are there negligees in Nazi heaven? Hmmm...

November 04, 2005 2:58 PM  
Blogger sysm said...

Dearest Reverend,

I showed restraint today. The paper was only two hours late. I didn't call to complain. I just went into a waffle-making frenzy. In a negligee. To keep with the theme. And lo. Behold, too. Eventually it appeared. I will handle all of life's little challenges with inaction.

I wonder how that'll work out.

November 06, 2005 5:45 PM  
Blogger Sonny Dryesdale said...

Inaction and lethargy! That's the Dryesdale way!

November 07, 2005 7:22 AM  
Blogger Antonio Hicks said...

I was just browsing various blogs as I was doing a search on the word halloween, and I just wanted to say that I really like what you've done with your blog, even though it wasn't particularly related to what I searched for. I appreciate your postings, and your blog is a good example of how a blog should be done. I've only just recently started a Posters website - feel free to visit it when you get a chance if you wish. Much success, antonio.

November 07, 2005 9:37 PM  
Anonymous harpy queen said...

ooh! all your hard work is starting to pay off in spades, Drysdale!

November 08, 2005 6:16 AM  
Anonymous harpy queen said...

ooh! all your hard work is starting to pay off in spades, reverend!

November 08, 2005 6:17 AM  
Anonymous harpy queen said...

pah! I'm drunk!

November 08, 2005 6:18 AM  
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