Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Whither Ceiling Fan?

Dear Reverend Jack,

I think my ceiling fan is ugly. My husband doesn't care; he doesn't love it, but it doesn't bother him, either.

Should I replace it, or is that wasteful?

The Crappiest Music of the Year

Dear Reverend Jack,

I fucking hate Kenny Loggins. And he recorded that Christmas song "Celebrate Me Home," and they keep playing it on the radio.

And everybody loves Paul McCartney; I mean, he's a fucking knight, for chrissakes! But he recorded that God-awful "Wonderful Christmas Time" song, as well as "Silly Love Songs" and "Someone's Knocking at the Door." I think he sucks. That's right, I said it: He sucks.

Am I wrong to be filled with rage when I hear these things

Whither Petty Theft?

Dear Reverend,
I took a job with a new company. The new company contracted me back to my old company for a few days. So my question is this; Is it less ethical to steal office supplies from my old company?

running out of pens

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Whither Forgiveness?

Dear Rev. Jack,

My husband and I were unable to see our friend's MOST EXCELLENT band play last night.

I was under the weather, we had no babysitter, my husband had problems with his computer and phone lines.

Do you think our friend will forgive us? I could bake him a pie.

Willing but Unable

Friday, November 18, 2005

Beating a Dead Horse

Hope to see at least 7/8ths of you there.

Brought to you by the Dept. of Redundancy Dept.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Event of the Season!

Be there or be ridiculed without mercy!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Rev. Jack MIA?

Dear Rev. Jack,

Did the feds find out about the funds you skimmed off the collection plate and put you in jail?

Rev. Jack Party Tips Pt2

Dear Rev. Jack,

My husband returns Saturday after a week on onsite training in another city.

I was planning on having a welcome home party for him.

Should I rent a bubble machine?

Busch vs Pig

Dear Rev-
Do you have any pictures of Jeff Busch wrestling an apple out of a pig's mouth?

Rev. Jack's Health Tips

Dear Rev. Jack,

Other than being a little tired, I don't feel sick. However, my glands are so swollen they feel like two pickled eggs swimming around under my skin and they are sore to the touch.

My jaw hurts, too.

Do you have any advice for how to keep this from turning into a full-blown illness?

Thanks a bunch,
Squirmy Germy

Rev. Jack's Party Lessons

Dearest Reverend,

I am just normal midwestern girl and never thought this would happen to me. I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks. In the past I have enjoyed throwing together outings and whathaveyous in order to force people to be with me to celebrate (wig party, smut and eggs, tapas feista, burnett breakfast - ok, that last one was just a happy coincidence one year).

So, I have no ideas for this year; my thoughts have been elsewhere until recently. But I have even had people asking what is up because they look forward to the birthday outings. oy! Such a pickle. What to do? And please don't suggest cockfighting. If I go to another cockfight this year, I'll just die.

signed, Flumoxed wth bamboozlement

ps. when is the HillBilly Tapas? 10th?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

WTF Mr. Milkman!?

Dear Rev. Jack,

My milkman is cranky and petty.

He complains all the time. If I don't leave my empty bottles out, he gets bent out of shape and accuses me of becoming independently wealthy $.50 at a time by returning them fraudulently to the grocery store.

Then, he complains that I leave two many bottles out at once. I had to hear him whine about "35 bottles" today.

I hate him.

Should I tip him at Christmas? Should I deliberately annoy him with crazy milk bottle-related antics?

Or should I come to the door in a negligee and see if that mellows him out?

Milk Fed-Up

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Who is Jeff Busch!?

Dear Rev Jack
A question was recently put to me that may be beyond my ability to
fully answer. Luckily, I have you. The question is: "Who is Jeff